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10 Beachwood Buzz
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February 2016
Happiness Comes From Within
Lisa Copeland, an author and dating coach for
women over 50, says so many women she talks with
believe happiness in their life will come once they find
a great guy. "It doesn't work this way. It's the joy within
you that will make you both happy and attractive to
the opposite sex.
The best gift you can give yourself this Valentine's Day
is an understanding of a healthy relationship with your-
self. Then, once there, you will be in the right frame of
mind to successfully date and build a relationship, or to
build a stronger relationship if you're currently in one.
"Relationships often fail because of expectations,"
Copeland told us. "When we expect people to jump
through hoops or be a certain way, we are being unfair
to ourselves and our partner. We end up setting our-
selves up for relationship failure."
Copeland compares relationship expectations to
going through a drive-in window. "We want lettuce,
cheese and pickles, and believe that will make us hap-
py," she says. "It doesn't! All it does is puts demands on
someone, and that's a turnoff."
She suggests that we recognize the difference be-
tween qualities and values in someone we want as a life
partner. Qualities are often superficial while values are
about what you need in order to live your life authenti-
cally; they are firmly-held beliefs about who you are and
what you see in others. As an example, a quality may be
money, while a value is financially responsible. Qualities
fade, values don't.
And for those over 50 who are ready for dating? Here
is some insight:
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Put effort into dating. Many people put more effort
into picking out kitchen cabinets than who they
want as a life partner. Take time to find someone
who shares the same values as you do.
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When a relationship doesn't work out, it's alright to
remain friends. Having male friends is a great way
to be around the energy of the opposite sex when
you're not dating anyone.
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Stop looking for perfection. Many daters are
knocking good people out of the game based on
silly things that really aren't important in the big
picture. Look for companionship and someone
with whom to have fun and share life.
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Give people a chance. Men must feel a spark imme-
diately. Sometimes it takes women as many as four
dates to feel the spark.
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There are choices in creating an over 50s relation-
ship. The two of you can choose to live together,
live in separate homes but still be in a committed
relationship, or choose to marry. There is no one
right answer.
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Find balance. It's important to have your own life
too!
Here are some ideas to consider this Valentine's Day
that will last a lifetime:
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It's so easy to get caught up in the negative aspects
of your partner. Here's an exercise that can help you
refocus on the qualities you fell in love with when
you first met. For every negative thought you have,
reframe it with three positive qualities and watch
how this changes your view of the special person
in your life. Remember to compliment your partner.
We all love compliments and encouragement from
the special person in our life.
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Additionally, think of three positive things per
day about yourself. Recognize and believe them.
Believe in the law of attraction ­ that our thoughts
are our reality and the messages we put out to the
universe come back.
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Accept people for who they are. Make them feel
needed. Focus on the positive ­ what you focus on
is what will show up. Be happy to see them. Give
them hugs. Connect. Communicate. Don't expect
things. Make time for each other. Make time for
yourself. Plan dates. Be selfless ­ think of what you
can do for them versus what they can do for you.
The bottom line is that when we radiate joy and
happiness from within, we become more attractive to
those around us.
Copeland is a dating coach, speaker and author of The Winning
Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality
Men. For more information, including a free report about The 5
Little-Known Secrets for Finding a Quality Man After 50, visit
www.FindAQualityMan.com or call 815.683.6108.
Lisa
Copleland