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BeechwoodBillyPorter_Eyetique 7/9/14 8:50 AM Page 1
Ask PBC: Your Mental Health Q&A
Q: My child is really worried about leaving for college and being away from home for the first time. I have to admit I’m a little worried too. What can I do to help us both prepare?
Psychologist Richard Rakos, Ph.D., responds: As you and your child get ready for him to leave home for the first time to go to college, there are many things both of you can do to navigate through this first step toward independence. What is your child worried about? n Fitting in n Roommate n Homesickness n Grades n Money n Living independently What are parents worried about? n Safety n “Empty nest” n Good judgment/sex, drugs, alcohol n Communication n Will I be able to let go?
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Here are some additional “Do’s and Don’ts: DO: n Have faith in your child and in your parenting n Have realistic expectations n Learn to use the technology of your child’s generation so you can communicate with him in the method he prefers n Research the services offered at your child’s college n Let your child solve her problems – but be there to lend support if she asks n Identify issues you should discuss before he leaves – money, health care, what to do in case of emergency n Shop together for the things she will need n Recognize that you will miss each other DON’T: n Be a helicopter parent n Be critical or judgmental n Let your child see you cry when you drive away “Your Mental Health Q&A” is part of a Beachwood community service program provided by PBC. Email your questions to info@psychbc.com. All identifying information will be held in strictest confidence in the PBC secure email system.
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Learning rational thinking skills – the ability to recognize our desires accurately and to see failure as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes – not only will help your child cope with a new and independent living situation, but also help alleviate homesickness. Talk to each other openly about what kinds of things your child can expect at college and the fears, hopes and excitements that each of you harbors. Try to communicate an acceptance – and even an expectation – of imperfection, that some things will not go as planned or hoped for. You may want to say that he can expect to do better and worse in some subjects, have ups and downs with peers, and may at times miss home and family (but at times will not!). And when something undesired happens, it is an unfortunate problem to be solved – not a horrible catastrophe that shouldn’t have happened. Other skills that your child will need at college that you can help her learn: studying, time and stress management, communication, problemsolving, decision-making, self-control, personal hygiene, even sleeping. Help him understand how to make good choices, especially relating to social activities and peer pressure.
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August 2014 n Beachwood Buzz 13
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