THE EDITOR Letter from By Debby Zelman Rapoport Say What You Need To Say O “Even if your hands are shaking, even if your faith is broken, even if the hours are closing, do it with your heart wide open, and say what you need to say.” – John Mayer n October 12, Rabbi Robert Nosanchuk's memorial sermon at Fairmount Temple, titled “Say What You Need to Say,” was referenced to John Mayer’s song “Say.” The rabbi started his sermon by telling us about a game he plays by personalizing ringtones on his cell phone with song lyrics being apropos to whom the song is assigned. A few years ago, John Mayer’s song, “Say,” was assigned to Berkowitz-Kumin-Bookatz funeral home since Rabbi Nosanchuk feels that this pop tune is reminiscent of how fleeting time is and why it is better in this life “to say too much than to never say what you need to say,” as sung by Mayer. those of us who read self-help books to provide reflection, inspiration, reminders, emotional support, guidance and wisdom, there is no shortage of books about gratitude. When it comes to blessings, Rabbi Nosanchuk says that blessing others can simply be woven into the subtleties of how we relate with people from moment to moment. We can bless people by doing something nice for them, by showing up for them, by being generous with our time and energies or just by being responsive. When talking about love, Rabbi Nosanchuk shared this story, which gave me the chills and brought tears to my eyes: After a graveside service, everyone left the cemetery except the mourning husband who was reluctant to go. He seemed to linger over the grave. Finally, the rabbi said, “the service is over. It’s time for us to go home to the shiva*.” The man waved the rabbi away. “You don’t understand rabbi, I loved my wife.” “I’m sure you did,” she answered, “but you’ve been here for a long time, you should go home and start sitting shiva.” Again the husband said, “You don’t understand. I loved my wife.” Once more, the rabbi encouraged him to leave, gently tugging at his arm. “But you don’t understand,” the man said, “I loved my wife – and once, I almost told her.” Rabbi Nosanchuk paused, and went on to say that someday a call will come to the people who care for us, or it will come to us about someone we love. When that call comes to someone who cares about you, what will be in their heart? When the call comes to you, what will your thoughts be? Will gratitude, blessing and love come to mind? Don’t let this be a year that was “almost” the year you spoke your truth. As John Mayer sings in his song, “Even if your hands are shaking, even if your faith is broken, even if the hours are closing, do it with your heart wide open, and say what you need to say.” November 30 was the anniversary of my sister’s, Darcy Alter's, passing, which is why I was at the memorial service on this date. In her memory, I dedicate this column to her. I sadly said goodbye to Darcy after saying what I needed to say. She enriched my life in so many ways and I’m so grateful to have had her as my sister for 54 years. Although physically gone, Darcy will always live in my heart and I’ll always love her. Rabbi Nosanchuk’s full sermon is posted on the temple's interactive blog, titled, “If Not Now, When?” which may be found at http://www.fairmounttemple. org/2016/10/6260/. * In the Jewish religion, shiva is a period of seven days’ formal mourning for the dead, beginning immediately after the funeral. A few weeks after assigning this song to the funeral home, Rabbi Nosanchuk felt his phone vibrating in its holster while this tune was playing. He took the call and was informed that a young man from his congregation had tragically died. Heartsick, he collected his thoughts and prepared to call members of his grieving family. Rabbi Nosanchuk went on to tell that, at some point in time, we have all received a call saying that a sister, brother, parent, child, spouse, teacher, mentor or friend had been stilled by death. With the sanctuary filled with those who came to remember someone who had passed, it was especially befitting to think about what we may – or may not – have said to someone when we still had the time. The rabbi went on to say that our lives are for three things: to love, to bless and to be grateful. “That’s all we ever have to do,” he said. “To love fully, to bless another person, and to say thank you for all we have. This is the righteous path of a full life.” He then asked, “Who taught these things to you?” and continued by saying that before we die, there is no wrong time to tell these people, “God bless you, thank you and I love you.” He then went on to explain each: As kids, the concepts of gratitude and saying “thank you” are instilled in us and, as we age, for December 2016 n Beachwood Buzz 3